Cheap Thrill

I realized today that on the Common Application for US universities, they added a new ethnicity that didn't usually exist before. I never used to find my ethnicity on these forms, but now it says "White (including Middle Eastern)".

We made it!

We're acknowledged as an ethnicity!

Victory fist pump!

Check it out, hicks of America, your country says we're white. Yeah, us AY-RABS and SAND NIGGERS.

We're white.

And we were here before you.

So eat my dust.

I Have a Confession to Make...

I'm a girl. And I DON'T love chocolate. I like it, yeah. But not the way about 100% of the females I know love it and can have it anytime. On that note...

I just had a delicious cupcake. I never really liked plain cake. Never really been a cake person. But give me a cupcake with icing on top and I'm all over that. Icing is always my favorite part of the cupcake, or any cake. I feel like it's a chore to eat through the rest of the cake before/after I savor the icing, but I do it anyway. I could just lick off the icing and throw the rest. But I NEVER do that. And it's not because I don't want to waste food, I waste ridiculous amounts of food all the time, and no I'm not proud of it. I COULD just lick off the icing and rid myself of the chore, but I don't. I'm trying to remember if I ever did that when I was a kid, I mean I was indulgent enough, but I don't think I did. I'd have killed icing for myself for good. But I somehow had (and have) the sense not to.
I mean my taste buds know when to tell me to quit. They know what's too much, and what to avoid. Why doesn't my heart do the same?

Airplane Exits

Ladies and gentlemen if you look to your left, life is lovely, you will learn humility and patience, find unconditional love and happiness.

To our right is the valley of unaccommodating truth, opportunistic neighbors and self-doubt. Skepticism and fear will guide you. You will never find happiness.

Tread carefully. If you take the right exit first, you're going to have to swim through De Nial river in between to get to the left. There's no other way to get there, unfortunately.

she deserves better

Her heart must have skipped a beat when she answered the phone. It was his voice.. boy who didn't know how to love her. Boy she loved very much. Boy whose hypothetical children she abandoned because he was not committing. Boy who made her feel love again.

Is he back? Did he decide he wants her finally? Will she bring back those imaginary children of their future together?

Songs I Can't Get Enough Of These Days

Sadly I can only list a few. There are many many more.

1 - Florence + The Machine - Blinding - I recommend the whole album, called Lungs

2 - Nico Vega - Gravity - don't know album names but I've heard one of them at random and it's a full night of rock and roll

3 - Jason Mraz - I'm Yours - have not explored the rest of his music too much but he's totally a drop of sunshine

4 - Coldplay - Viva La Vida

One sounds like she's on heroin, the other one sounds like she's on coke, and third one sounds like he discovered Prozac. Coldplay is just always cool. Their songs give me goosebumps now, ever since I saw them live. 

Florence sounds a lot like a sharp voice in my head. No more, no more, no more NO MORE .. The plucking of violins and the jungle-beating of the drum. The melancholy in her voice. It should start raining everytime I push play. Why is it so dry? Every note should be hitting my skin in a droplet of water, it's the only way this song should be heard. 

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone

No more crawling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

I mean holy shit man.. read the lyrics. Listen to her. This is what I was ranting about in the last couple of posts. Or has it been longer and I have no concept of time right now? This is totally what I was feeling. And it's also why I won't be having Optimism over again for tea. You know, in case that wasn't clear.

Aja (Nico Vega) sounds like the rock n' roller in me who's dying to come out and sing my heart out. I so fucking wish I could sing. Fuck my performance phobia. She's so energizing, I can't get my eyes off her when she's performing. And she reminds me of someone I met recently. This girl even had that throaty raspy voice. But I don't think Aja hangs out anywhere around here.

Jason you silly boy. You found Jesus, didn't you? I want to pinch your cheeks. Come sit next to me, I'll sway and harmonize with you. You're not really my type, your face is kind of weird, but I'd like to chill with you for an afternoon or something. Facebook me, we'll keep in touch.

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My belly button itches. I swam in saltwater today. It felt great. Now not so much. Shit.. maybe it's infected. But it looks fine. Maybe it's fine and I'm just paranoid. Maybe I should stop thinking about it, and it'll stop itching.

So in an effort not to overkill the songs I mentioned (because I tend to do that), I'm going to shuffle my music rather than go back the same Nico Vega and Florence + The Machine albums (which are also excellent) So..... next on iTunes shuffle, Frank Sinatra - Somewhere Beyond the Sea. Hey look at that, it worked. No itching.

Here's one for soulful moments:

Jason Mraz - On Love, In Sadness

do NOT, I repeat, do NOT listen to the recorded studio version. bluh.

Before I go, it's a full moon out tonight. I had to take a picture. Even if it's with a shitty camera, I had to.

Tea with Optimism

Optimism 3.0?

Sure, come on in, the kettle is boiling.

Take a seat, rest your feet,

You're back, I see, here to pull at my sanity? 

Let me humor you as I always do. 

Oh this time, you mean it, do you? 

This time it's the real thing is it? 

Show me what you got, honey

While I pour you a cup of tea. 

"Original skins and newer plug-ins,"

you smile so purely in my face.

"Attention span sliced in half,

Haunting memories will fade,

Loves that were lost, well good riddens! 

Distractions galore, say no more, 

You'll explore a whole new plane

That'll bare no resemblance to the same 

Mistakes and heartbreaks 

No you won't make them again!"

Is that all you got this time?

Won't you please, on my knees, 

Let me be a cynic?

It has really grown on me,

I really can't go back...

Please stop tugging at my dress...

I'm sorry I embraced you so long ago. 

How was I supposed to know

You'd haunt me forever...

You're like a child who I nursed for a while,

And thinks I'll always have the teet to bare.

Dear I never knew how cruel you were

Until I glanced away for the first time.

 

Now I beg you please release.

Come back later if you can't resist,

I'll let you in if you really insist.

Just another cup and be on your way.

Locating the Love for Lyrics

Jason Mraz and his quirky insightful lyrics about lost love and the madness that is the journey of love. How is he not a bitter man yet?

I could advise any troubled relationship at this stage practically fully out of experience. I've been through so many heartbreaks you can't imagine. Some were my fault, some were his, and some were just of the "it just didn't work out" nature. All of them hit me hard and none of them, were successful. 

I've learned so many life lessons from failed relationships, failed attempts at love, and the growth each of them has put me through. The one thing, and perhaps the most valuable thing to take from a breakup is how not to get hit like that again. That is the one thing I can never learn. Maybe it has never happened in the history of relationships, and that's why it cannot be taught.

They hit me everytime. The mutual interest. The unreciprocated feelings. Whichever kind it was. It's hit me hard and it happens everytime. I can't believe I still believe in something honestly. I must be some breed of spiritual, moronic, emotional, neurotic, obsessive, sexy, impressive human.

Oh yeah, wait... I am a woman.

Seriously

I just got myself a new piercing. My belly button. Navel. Navel is such a funny word.

I went to see a doctor once about my back. I had damaged my sciatic nerve somehow. I’d like to know how, because I’m seriously inactive and unathletic. I’m somehow not a ball of lard, but I’m ridiculously inactive. He told me that my sciatic nerve stretches from my nipple down to my foot. Nipple, he said. And then his face went red and he corrected himself. “I mean, navel.” I laughed. He was nervous around me. Which I took as a serious compliment as he is drop dead gorgeous and conveniently, for his wife, married.

My navel. It’s my only chance, really, to feel like I’m still cool and youthful. My job seriously makes me feel like such a conformed fool. I make it a point to remind my students that I have a vulgar sense of humor and listen to better music than they could imagine. I think they’re buying it, because it’s true. I make more dirty jokes around underage boys and girls than I do around people my own age. Something’s gotta be off, there.

If my belly button ring is going to do me any good, it’s going to make me feel sexy. It really does. It makes me feel less pasty white, less like the geek I really am. It’s a name tag for sexiness.

Hi, I’m a member of the sexy women fanclub, here’s our logo, right above my navel. It’s our navel seal.

The Sad State of Single Women

What is it about a girl sleeping with a guy that makes her magnify his qualities as JUST WHAT SHE NEEDS?

He might be lazy or unemployed. She'll see him as chilled, easygoing.

He might be self-involved. She'll see him as introspective and deep.

He might be emotional and needy. She'll see him as sensitive and in touch with his feminine side.

He might be materialistic and a spendthrift. She'll see him as well-to-do.

He might be a momma's boy. She'll see him as a family man.

Woman - take a step away from him, wash his sex off you so that you're not pheromonically whipped, and then take another look at him. See? He's got acne and he's not all that. You could still love a human being, you know. It's possible.

Just don't bullshit yourself.